For those of you who only want to know about the loves, lives and adventures of the possums in my roof.
There are no truths of my life in here; no rants about pustulent wannabes or pestilent politicians. Just the Darling Possums.
This blog contains the Possums from the first entry in January to March 30th 2009
1
I have possums. Sorry POSSUMS, very loud POSSUMS that frightened the bejasus out of me the first night.They had a domestic right above my head which included lots of hissing, thumping, unearthly screams,cries of anguish, rending noises, did you know the little fiends STAMP?The male, ( Large aggressive and acrobatic) leaps up a 30m gum tree, runs to the end of the closest branch and lands on the roof with a resounding and terrifying CRASH! Followed by the lovely and calming sound of him sliding down the corrugated tin roof with all his claws at full extension. This is unnerving when watching an engrossing docuemntary on ABC. The possum is so amused by my reaction ( Hurtling out of the living room, screaming “I'll kill you you noisy little %^$!!!” tripping down the broken step and ending arse up in the defunct but thorn strewn garden bed) that he repeats the same acrobatics at irregular but infuriating intervals throughout the night.
I am having my revenge this weekend as I shall be picking up all my Cd's from the bikie moll and I shall play Beethovens 9th and 5th as well as Handel at full blast right under where the noisy little cutie is settling down with his family for a daytime sleep/ HA fuk 'im. Don't mess wiv me; I'm a buddhist– possums are impossibly cute when you fix em in the torchlight halfway up a tree. AAAAAAWWWWWW. Then they start fighting in the roof and you want them pulverised in a very messy and painful way. If they aren't careful ( And quiet) I shall go and get a Barry Manilow CD, that'll do them properly.
2
On the subject of alcohol, I do have some 30 litres of german style dark lager bubbling away and 18 litres of mass produced cider popping and borgelling in pleasing chorus within sight of the biplane body. The sound seems to have perplexed the local possum population who have taken to tippy toeing around the roof – the sound of them trying to be quiet in a most unpossum like manner is more unnerving than the circus act they put on before. That also may be because whilst I was showering the other day they bounced so hard on the bedroom ceiling it caved in all over my newly laundered and crisply tucked bed. This misjudgement deposited some 3 large sheets of asbestos and several kilos of ancient and modern droppings, spiders, sawdust, beetles and other disgusting roof denizens and their detritius just smack where I was going to lay my weary and freshly showered head. I was so pleased to have something to do I didn't mutter “Oh dear me” and just tip the mattress up before throwing myself on it and slumbering the night away. Rather I fell to with a will and a hey nonny nonny to clear away the mess. Well, I was going to, but I used the M restored and salvaged industrial vacuum machine which after 30 seconds or so started to emit strangled screaming noises and ejected a large gobs of flaming metal before expiring with a frightening and definitive bang and the smell of singing electrical cables.
The possums are sadly traumatised at having their secret entrances and exits open to the view of self when I am in bed. They troop in and along the main structural beam gazing fixedly down at me in case I leap up and hurl myself or some devilish human weaponry at them as they pass over my head. They are remarkably well behaved and settle down with a minimum of fuss and nonsense. No carefree trapezing onto the tin roof any more, just a slow, cautious watchful shuffle from entrance hole to sleeping spot. I may start poking them with long sticks just to get my revenge in first before the ceilings are repaired and they go back to their old and noisy ways. I don't intend to startle them as they pass over my head as I have read that one of their defences is not to play dead as pictured in cartoons and thus tumble off the beam causing me inncocent hilarity by wrapping them round my neck or placing them ornamentally on the mantlepiece. No their prime defence, like koalas, is to loosen their bowels and simultaeneously urinate and defecate suddenly and explosively in the direction of their attacker. Having only just recovered from the roof fall onto my bedding I will not be putting their reactions to the test by leaping up screaming at the little sods as they pass directly over my pillow. I shall “play possum” instead.
3-4
The darling possies are being bloody annoying this last three days. It seems that their eldest scion is being asked to leave home to make room for the next generation. He/she is very reluctant to do so and, like the Wannabe Bikie prefers the comforts of home grooming and cooking. This is causing much hissing, fights, yarping, yowling and running around during the day so much so that they have punched? Chewed? Three large holes in the kitchen ceiling. They were having a fight directly over one of these holes when I inserted a broom handle. This was obviously unexpected as a rectal examination wasn't on that possum's morning agenda. In particular a violent rectal insertion from an unlubricated wooden pole whilst they were in the middle of a marsupial domestic was not a planned activity . There was first, a very human cry of distress, followed by a clang as the darling possum head connected with the less than ample head room of the tin roof.( You'd think they would learn) Then much snarling and childlike screaming as the receiver of the anal probe attempted to struggle past the other possums blocking his/her way to the nearest exit. The joy that I felt as the noise of struggling, escaping, panic stricken possum passed over my laughing head was a pure joy of release. They are back, hissing and arguing, I will be glad when Mum and Dad get rid of their adolescent offspring and he/she goes and lives in someone else's roof space. Then M and I will start to repair their damage. Familiarity has also bred contempt as they pass over my bed at 4 am each morning. They have started to sqaubble and hiss as they enter the roof and I fully expect a possumic bedmate to crash into my slumber if they persist. I can't imagine the consequences to my fragile psyche to wake up deluged in panicked possum urine. It will be much better when M and I have replaced the missing ceiling.
Living in a deep valley is a new experience for me with the sun dappling the tree tops opposite the house without penetrating or illuminating under the canopy on this side of the valley. The effect of that is my dawn comes along about an hour and a half after the rest of the hillside. Quite what effect it will have on the morning temperatures in the depths of winter I can only imagine in shivering apprehension.
I am struck by the silence from the possum den, eldest child must have been evicted last night. *Snigger* I shall creep up on the slumbering family and blast them with a bit of discordancy from Stravinsky.
The poor dears are exhausted, even after a quick blast of Russian tunelessness they barely mustered a plaintive hiss . Perhaps the intrusion of the prostate exam into their deliberations yesterday expedited the departure of the adolescent (It is a male, I saw him, alone and disconsolate, on the old water tank a few minutes ago). Maybe there is a solution to the human problem of boomerang kids (Adults) not leaving the family home. Just let the parents be discovered lovingly polishing a long pole clearly marked “Anti Freeloader Anal Probe Mk 1 with Extra Barbs” and I can guarantee the thunder of departing Nikes will be replaced by mature peace and quiet.
5-6
Possums, yes, my darling housemates. After a week of traumatised silence from my furry lodgers they seem to have gotten used to the repaired ceiling and walls. In the repairs we also blocked up the end louvred entrance. It no longer had louvres and was merely a mansized gaping hole in the end of the gable. An ideal entrance for assorted native wild life and not so welcome vermin. The other day the memory cells had obviously leaked from the possum's collective consciousness. In the midst of a noisy afternoon domestic, one of the little darlings hurled himself at high speed from their sleeping place, across the living room ceiling, through the bedroom and smack into the nice shiny fresh aluminium sheeting across the ex entrance. As you can imagine the high speed scrabbling and hissing followed by a loud CLANGGG reduced me to helpless laughter. I could imagine the rest of the possum family shaking their heads and mumbling, “Swear to god Irene, your kid's stupid” “My Kid Kevin? He must get it from your side of the family”
7
The possums are having family problems this morning, probably because I was moving around, turning on lights, and generally being a noisy nuisance. Much hissing and sharp cries of irritation. I frightened the crap out of the chickens by letting them out at first light.The rooster is crowing properly at last! Up until now he has only managed a throaty croak like an old man in terminal asphyxia. Now he is cock-a-doodling operatically which has silenced the other roosters in the area as they figure out this new morning challenger.
8
An eventful, proftable and busy busy weekend. M got up early, before 7am on Saturday! Unheard of! He commenced sawing and banging and putting up new walls in the spare/dining room , which when painted and treated will become K's workroom. The possums were most discomfited at all the commotion at their bedtime. They hissed and swore at each other, M, me and K with fine impartiality and much indignation
9
The possums had major domestics, which is part of possum life I gather. A full on brawl developed about 7pm last night and continued for an hour or two. When I went into the kitchen the place was covered in white dust, possum poo and insulation the little buggers had pushed through the ceiling in their struggles. Well that gave me a chance to use the revamped super vacuum. It did a marvellous job. Also, quite by chance, I got the nozzle inserted into the hole where a possum was sitting contemplating further mayhem. I think it is quite outside a possums normal experience to find a high powered vacuum cleaner attacking his nether regions. Obviously shocked at the intrusion and seeming life threatening attack by suction he took off at high speed in the general direction of away. This time the clang of possum head contacting steel was missing as his head contacted a wooden beam with a sickening thud. This caused him to sit back down rather suddenly, by concidence, exactly where the vacuum nozzle was projecting into the roof space. This second suction sensation did not kindle a desire to explore the erotic possum possibilities further. No, having learnt nothing by his previous behaviour he launched himself upwards again with the vacuum nozzle clinging with predatory ferocity to his possum botty. This time he contacted the tin with a very satisfying CLANGGGGG, came down leaped up and contacted the beam again with a percussive thud. I took pity on him and ripped off the suction nozzle leaving him to kangaroo thud, clang, thud clang,in a stunned manner the length of the roof interior and, missing his leap into the tree, fall with a scream and crash onto the deep mulch outside the lounge window.
They have been very quiet this morning.
10
The darling possums have been much chastened since the Invasion of the Vacuum Cleaner . They creep in and out very very quietly and moved their sleeping spot so that their vulnerable bits are no longer positioned over the holes in the ceiling. Even their disagreements are now conducted sotto voce and are of brief duration. I was vacuuming yesterday, in the kitchen. At the first rising howl of the sucking machine there was a thumping and hissing and a very hurried exit of all cute and furry residents. They sat disconsolately in the gum tree until the absence of sound convinced them all was safe to return.
I resisted the temptation to let them settle and drop off to sleep, then turn on the vacuum full bore underneath their beds...Har har. The thought was enough to amuse me, and I did not carry out the action.
11
The poor possies have been sulking for a couple of days.When installing the chimney M discovered the mummified corpse of the possum Grandma. Naturally he removed it which seems to have caused much lamentation and in-fighting between family members Maybe they had it propped up and consulted it regularly as an oracle or repository of wisdom. Very much like the Inuit, Egyptians and many other tribal peoples used to do with their deceased relatives At any event, they are having increasingly violent scuffles, or maybe it is just rough marsupial sex.
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